If it hasn’t worked out…

For me, the most memorable part of the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel was the line.

"It all works out in the end, and if it hasn’t worked out, it isn’t the end.“

And I think, especially during the holiday season, we need to remember that. So much pressure is put on the holidays, especially Christmas. You're bombarded with images of what constitutes a perfect holiday, and here are a few accoutrements to help you achieve the best holiday ever.

Then some brite spark realized, “Hey, we're leaving money on the table if we're not taking advantage of Chanukah and Kwanzaa too.”

And with that, commercialization began taking over every holiday. By replacing an elf with a stand up guy and marketing it for Chanukah, you get Mench on a Bench. The Kwanzaa candelabra called a Kinara gets an upgrade with the Mishumaa saba, candles labeled with each of the holiday's seven principles.

I'm old enough to remember making gifts with my Dad. Most of December we'd be in the kitchen painting wood ornaments and making ice candles while Mum baked dozens of mini pecan tarts and my favorite, oatmeal gumdrop cookies. To us, even the preparation before the holiday was about spending time together, and although there were times I thought it was the penultimate of hokey, those are the things I remember most.

So this holiday, instead of ramping up expectations, scattering everything out there like confetti at a ticker-tape parade, let's aim for a hygge hug that leaves the materialistic on the outside while gathering the meaningful close to us. Here are a few ideas to help.

• Give time instead of gifts. There are people you've been meaning to see or call. Stop saying soon, and do it now. Whether you live near a high street where you can walk and admire the windows and decorations, or live in South Philly where neighbors on 1600 s. 13th Street, come together to illuminate and animate this block drawing thousands to the Miracle on 13th Street, there is free magic to be enjoyed everywhere. So enjoy it.

• The Fab Four. Several Moms swear by the Fab Four; something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read. When kids know the deal going in, they make judicious choices, and that's a good early deployment of a necessary life skill.

• An Advent Calendar: the gift that keeps on giving For several years now, Jordan and I don't buy a slew of gifts for each other we each just get one, an advent calendar. Not as well known here, but becoming increasingly more popular, his is a whiskey calendar from The Spirit Company and mine is usually from Holland & Barrett, the UK's version of a Vitamin Shoppe or GNC, but better. Each morning we start the day with a cup of tea and opening each day's window. With the stress of end of year work challenges for both of us, it’s a moment of zen before we start the day.

• Shop More, Buy Less: I love getting a bargain, but bargains are generally for large chain stores that can afford it. Smaller local producers spend time creating a quality bespoke piece and because they can't buy in bulk or simply jettison things that didn't sell fast and cheaply, their products will cost more. But do you want to support a millionaire who won't notice or care that you shopped with them this season, or a shop whose sales support families, and local communities? Even if the price means you have to purchase a bit less, your money goes further when it stays local.

Some of you are going to shop till you drop. You'll buy the latest and greatest, and have a ton of food. And with all of that, comes a lot of waste. Sure you laughed at your aunties carefully unwrapping the gifts and saving the wrapping paper, rinsing out that "good jar", and turning the chicken carcass you were about to throw out, into the best soup ever, but they were OG recyclers. So before you buy and definitely before you toss it out, ask yourself whether you really need it, is it really going to be used or is that just an impulse purchase.

And take some pressure off yourself. This isn't a time to beat yourself up about not getting everything done. If you didn't make the cookies, or finish sewing the perfect Christmas stocking, it happens. Prioritize what you need/want most to do, and the rest, just do what you can. If you really feel it needs to get done, trust me, you'll find a way to get up early, or stay up late to do it, and if you don't,it's not the end of the world. Whether the pressure is perceived or real, it's an outside force and you can choose to ignore it and focus on people over presents, community instead of commercialization and talk around a table instead of TikTok.

In a whirlwind, the outside is volatile while the inside is focused. Some things will be great this holiday, and inevitably there will be things that go amiss but don't stress, breathe. Because if it hasn't worked out, it isn't the end.